A special package for business men

You probably have heard about some of these jokes before, but there are too funny not to let them pass un-noticed in the emails I’ve got…

 

Husband texts to wife on cell..

“Hi, what r u doing Darling?”

Wife: I’m dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?”

Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”

Husband: “…………….Bloody English Language!

 

Angry wife to her husband

An angry wife to her husband on phone:

“Where the hell are you …?”

Husband: Darling you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money that time and I said “Baby it’ll be yours one day … “:)

Wife, with a smile & blushing: Yeah I remember that my Love!

Husband: I‘m in the Pub just next to that shop !!

 

A Special Package for Business Men.

An Airline introduced a special package for Business men: Buy your ticket, get your wife’s ticket free.

After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.

All of them gave a same reply…”Which trip?”

 

New SIM to surprise her husband

Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the Living room.

She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:

“Hello Darling”

The husband responds in a low tone:

“Let me call you back later Honey, the stupid woman is in the kitchen.

 

Cool message by a wife

Dear Mother-in-law,

“Don’t teach me how to handle my children, I’m living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement”

 

Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, a Lion suddenly bounced on Santa’s wife.

WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!

SANTA: Yes, Yes. I’m changing the battery of my camera..

 

Throwing knives on wife’s picture

Husband was throwing knives on wife’s picture.

All were missing the target!

Suddenly he received call from her “Hi, what are you doing?”

His honest reply, “MISSING YOU”

 

Habbit of talking in sleep

A lady to doctor: My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what should I give him to cure?

Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake

 

Part & Art of living

Having “WIFE” is a part of living…

But having “GIRLFRIEND” along with the “WIFE” is art of living.

 

Can I make a call to my wife?

A man in Hell asked Devil:

Can I make a call to my wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil: Nothing, hell to hell is free.

 

What if you don’t see me for 2 days?

A man came home late at night after a party.

His wife yelled: “How would you feel if you don’t see me for two days?”

The man couldn’t believe his luck: “that would be great”!

Monday passed and he didn’t see her……

Tuesday and Wednesday passed too…..

On Thursday his swelling became better

And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

 

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt,

Tsunamis to devastate,

Hurricanes to sway around

& no one teaches how to choose a wife,

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

 

Why did u shoot ur wife?

Judge: “Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?

Sardar: Your honour, it’s easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

 

Your husband needs rest

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you